193901

Joke of the Day

"Subway is like prostitution... You pay someone else to do your wife's job!"

"Why am I fat? Every time I fuck your girlfriend, she gives me a cookie"

"Me: I want cozy pajama pants for Christmas. Him: I was gonna get lingerie. Me: Trust me. VS won't have your size. Him: Me: *jazz hands*"

"You are what your parents ate too..I'm part black licorice..part hot dog."

"What is reddits least favorite dish? Kung Pao Chicken"

"I freak out when i don't see the L and R marks on headphones. There's no way I'm taking that risk."

"Why does flint never get any likes on their Instagram pictures? Cause they don't use a filter."

"What do you say when your mom walks in on you fapping? C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"

"Did you hear about the man who jumped in the Hudson River? He committed sewercide."

"Why are Twilight fans obsessed with it? Because they need a fandom that won't make them feel like trash."