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Joke of the Day

"[Bomb will explode in 26 seconds] *googles ""how to defuse a bomb""* *clicks top result* *it's a 17-page slideshow.* GODDAMMIT *an ad plays*"

"I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window"

"Did you know Thailand has a military? It does a good job of separating the ladyboys from the ladymen."

"I always thought I had a massive cock. Turned out to be an ostrich"

"Why is a ghost like an empty house? Because there's no body there!"

"After much deliberation, the Cambridge University Netball Team.... ...decided not to abbreviate their name"

"Annoy your wife by saying ""wow"" every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor."

"Would you like to buy a second-hand computer? I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand as it is."

"wait, THESE are pistachios? i've been calling them wood clams"

"My girlfriend was very proud of this one. What does cats and festival attendees have in common? They both love using the toilet right after it's been cleaned."