193732

Joke of the Day

"Fact: Fat people falling down is always funnier than a skinny person falling down."

"Don't text and drive. Just pull over until you're done using your phone. That's what I do. I've been on the side of the road since 2011."

"I searched deep in the anals of history and found nothing but shit... Or ""The annals of history are mostly full of shit..."" *maybe that can be an adage or something?"

"I had sex last night. Man I hate prison"

"I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside."

"What are the voices in my head saying, I hear you all ask..."

"I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM, BECAUSE GRANDPA FORGOT TO WEAR HIS HEARING AIDS AGAIN!"

"Our Sins So what if the whole Hilary/Trump presidential race is a result of of that last guy who didn't forward that chain mail causing the end of the world..."

"DOCTOR: ""Ok, now PUSH!"" WOMAN IN LABOUR: ""Should I be doing this in my state?"" DR: [leaning out of car window] ""Less talky, more pushy."""

"My 9 year daughter asked me: ""Daddy can we buy money?"" ... Me: Buy money? Using what? Daughter: Aaa ... Apples? Me: That's called ""Selling Apples"" not buying money."