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Joke of the Day

"A pair of fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says ""Hey, we don't serve fonts here!"" But they sat down anyways because they were **bold**."

"An ex girlfriend is like a box of chocolates... ...they'll both kill your dog"

"Just once I want to see ""Soooo many animals harmed in the making of this movie. Like, SO many. An insane amount. Too many, probably."""

"Playing Tubular Bells to end the baptism wasn't quite the closing my aunt was looking for but in my defense it did clear out the church."

"I've started replacing ""yes"" with ""sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti."""

"This is probably the best idea I've had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid"

"""Piece of cake"" should not mean ""Easy!"" It should mean ""Delicious!"""

"Every time I walk into a store with my dad Worker: ""Can I help you?"" Dad: ""No, he was born like that."""

"My goal for 2017.... ....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013"

"What do you call an important Australian? A significunt"