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Joke of the Day

"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is this tweet is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing."

"Kidnapper: Pay up or I'll leak your nudes Me: So what? K: Then I'll tweet your drafts M: Ok don't do anything crazy we can work this out"

"did Darwin predict butterflies would then evolve into tattoos?"

"How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian!"

"How long does it take a black woman to poo? 9 mouths"

"I've reached the age where if I see a wet T-shirt contest, I worry the girls might catch cold."

"Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle."

"Instead of presents, give your kids ""presence."" Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever."

"Frank's Girlfriend Frankfurter walks into his favorite bar holding a curvy Hamburger by the hand. ""Hi guys,"" he says. ""Meet my girlfriend, Patty."""

"Did you hear about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines..."