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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a jew to shut up? Sssshhhhhh"

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's? A: A blonde serves more people in a night."

"My fake mustache fell off in Home Depot and now they won't let me touch any of the power tools."

"[wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice."

"So how does this work now? Does General McChrystal have to give up his Foursquare ""Mayor specials"" in Kandahar?"

"*gets on 1 knee* Jenny... ""OMG"" *places hand on heart and starts crying* ""This is great!"" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack"

"I just sneezed so hard that I'm now two seconds in the future."

"An old white man in a beard bestowing gifts from the sky? Please."

"What is your favorite thing the new iPhone can do? Mine is distract me from my own mortality"

"Why did Minnie Mouse break-up with Mickey Mouse? Because he was fuckin' Goofy."