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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch? You pay him for the pizza."

"What does FUN stand for? Some nights, I don't know."

"Two old drunks I was sitting in a bar with my friend and I noticed two old drunks across the bar from us. I laughed and said, ""That's us in ten years."" My friend replied, ""That's a mirror, dipshit."""

"Quick! How many chameleons are in the room with you right now? You can never answer this question with 100% certainty."

"Did y'all hear the one about the professional jump-roper? Never mind. *Skip it*."

"Sometimes I like to leave seafood restaurants clutching my stomach and whisper ""Don't order the fish,"" to people waiting for tables."

"Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few minutes Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"i have a lot of clothes but i only wear like 5% and it looks like I have none and i refuse to wear the other 95% because i look ugly in them"

"Only 1490's kids will remember this *sails from Europe and destroys an indigenous population*"

"[Russian Joke] What will the results of the next election be? No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!"