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Joke of the Day

"Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time? Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme."

"""Holy shit, amazing!!!"" -Asian guy using fork for the first time"

"Ethics of the police"

"If I can see your boner I'm going to acknowledge it with a subtle head nod. Respect."

"Where does a divine beaver live? A God Dam!"

"If 'real life' was really that great, Twitter wouldn't be so fucking addictive."

"A new study has shown that women who get more sleep have better sex. Unfortunately, the study was conducted by Bill Cosby."

"9yo: Look what I made! Me: What? 9yo: I taped 2 toilet rolls & made binoculars! Me: Great.*Holds up iPhone* This is what 9yos in China make."

"People who say ""no regrets"" just have too many regrets to keep track of."

"What's the difference between a gun and a feminist? One of them doesn't throw a fit when triggered."