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Joke of the Day
"Our generation doesn't knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we're outside."
Next Joke
"Why do they say ""break a leg !"" to actors ? If you said ""tear an ACL !"" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot."
"[Me narrating a documentary on spiders] OH GOD GROSS OH JESUS DISGUSTING THERE'S ONE ON ME RIGHT NOW ISN'T THERE OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD"
"What is the official bird of love? The Swallow."
"Yo mama is so fat, when the judge said ""order"", she order a milkshake, cheeseburger, and fries."
"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give the bitch a shovel."
"How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Don't be silly, Californians screw in hot tubs!"
"Wife to husband: ""Our son called me a whore!"" Husband answers: ""Where is that son of a bitch?"""
"I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen."
"""Keep pumping until something happens."" -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood."