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Joke of the Day

"A bird just landed on Bernie Sanders' podium during a speech It's a shame it was just a bird and not 800 delegates"

"Kim Kardashian is essentially three asses stacked on top of each other."

"C3PO and R2D2 walk into a bar... Then the bartender goes ""HEY!!! We don't serve YOUR KIND HERE!!!"" C3PO asks: ""Why because we're droids,"" Bartender: ""NO!!! 'Cause It's AN OUTLET BAR!!!"""

"Whoever decided to print nutritional information on ice cream cartons should be arrested and tried for the murder of my happiness."

"He did it again! Cop: ""What's in the bottle?"" Me: ""It's water."" Cop: ""This is wine."" Me: ""What? That damn Jesus! He did it again!"""

"FIFA is a nonprofit. That's it. That's the joke"

"Vitamin C is Spanish for Vitamin Yes"

"What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? ""Honey, I'm home!"""

"Was starting to get romantic with a woman last night As usual I began crying uncontrollably. After getting home it took forever to wash the pepper spray off."

"What did one tonsil say to the other? Get dressed a doctor is taking us out to night."