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Joke of the Day

"Come with me and I will help you realize your full insignificance."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotapuss"

"Scissors [to Rock]: So you beat me & I beat Paper but how does Paper beat you? [cut to Paper meeting a hitman] Make it look like an accident"

"Guess who I saw today? Everyone I looked at."

"I got a sweater for Xmas I appreciate it, but I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner."

"I dont know if anyone else remember this joke - How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen consume? - Enough to kill two and a half men."

"I'm more emotionally invested in this sandwich than I am in most humans."

"Q: ""How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?"" A: ""We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."""

"I got fired from my bingo calling job today. Apparently 'a meal for two with a terrible view' is not an appropriate way to call 69."

"Winning chess is the same as winning women. All it takes is the right amount of checks."