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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if someone voted Green Party? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."

"Why do you wrap gophers in electrical tape? So they don't explode when you fuck 'em."

"What do they call Peter Pan in China? Peter Wok"

"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"

"""anything new with you?"" not really ""any cool projects at work? nope ""meeting with friends?"" no ""seeing anybody?"" why are you doing this?"

"Men are like plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom"

"Bad Joke? What did the 2 sundaes say to eachother? I wish it was SUNDAY"

"5 guys walk into a bar You'd think atleast one of them would have seen it."

"I went in HMV earlier and asked the guy behind the counter if they had any Run DMC records. ""Walk this way,"" he replied."

"I was alone, depressed and suicidal around Christmas time and decided to call the suicide prevention hotline ""Sorry but all of our employees are happily spending Christmas with their loving families"""