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Joke of the Day
"It's really hard to balance work, family, and not caring about anything."
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"Why is there no gambling in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs."
"Too bad Anne Frank never saw Home Alone. Could have been a serious game changer in my opinion."
"I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast"
"Why do you never see a crackhead over 30? Cause they're fucking dead"
"these raccoons are a bad influence on me"
"Why can't Stephen Hawking dance? Because he's white."
"I found a rating for the Sun online. It was only a star."
"Life is like a box of chocolates... and I am a lactose-intolerant diabetic."
"I was asked to be an Elvis impersonator for a kid's birthday party. I showed up drunk, shot the TV, then died on the toilet."