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Joke of the Day

"Why is Santa Claus so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas."

"My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory. Why didn't I think of that?"

"How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars!"

"I never knew how smart Dolphins were... They are so smart that after only a few weeks of captivity they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish"

"Whats the best time to go to the dentist? 4:30pm It let's you out of work a bit early with a valid excuse"

"When an American says, ""You do the math,"" you should also offer to assist him in his grammar."

"Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs."

"Isn't it fun how many different shapes pasta can be? My wife left me last night."

"Sharks are more likely to go and attack men than women So if you are swimming with women. Just punch it in the nose Then throw her towards the shark"

"Two jokes walk into a bar... Where's the punchline?"