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Joke of the Day

"I'm turned on by women who don't mind sucking a little dick Mine"

"WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey"

"What is this the difference between America and Greece? 15 years."

"What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time? Getting all high and mighty"

"Dreamed last night the world was running out of air. We figured out how to make it with carrots and broccoli. Al Gore, call me."

"Today my girlfriend offered to finger me I was deeply touched."

"Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets? For identification."

"[Doctor office] -How are you feeling? -Not good. -Any side effects from the medication? *cries tears of fire* -Now that you mention it..."

"I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion."

"Slowly crawl towards your sleeping dog, put your face directly next to its face, and whisper ""I know it's been you shitting in my yard."""