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Joke of the Day

"Poached salmon on a bed of brown rice with peas or Roasted duck with polenta and organic green beans? Choosing dog food is hard."

"Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it."

"Little Mermaid: I want to be where the people are Me: trust me u dont"

"Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them."

"How can you tell it's a porno actor filling up his car at the next pump? Just before he gets to twenty bucks he pulls out the nozzle and shoots it all over the trunk."

"Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids."

"I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen. Until I realised it was a field of carrots."

"How do you blindfold an Asian? With Dental Floss"

"What is sharper, your butt-hole or your teeth? Butt-hole, because it can cut your shit."

"The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other."