191817

Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it's being shoved into an oven"

"I lost 140 unwanted, useless, life-sucking pounds - in only 6 weeks! I got a divorce."

"The difference between theory and practice is that in theory George Clooney should have been the best Batman."

"I asked my wife what my rapper name should be. She suggested, ""2-PAAQ"" 2 pumps and a quiver. :'("

"*sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl."

"I once auditioned for ""Man Laying Fertilizer"" in a commercial, and afterward, they asked me to do it again but to keep in mind hes straight."

"What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? ""Quack, quack, quack."""

"TIFU by picking up a dead bee. It wasn't. Now my thumb hurts."

"Just ordered wonton soup Hope my apartment can hold the weight"

"What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians."