191802

Joke of the Day

"The second Pop-Tart exists solely to hammer home the self-loathing initiated by the first Pop-Tart."

"My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one."

"Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen? Emission Impossible"

"My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking."

"Marijuana should've been legalized at the same time as same sex-marriage no, really, so I can stop seeing this fucking joke"

"Finally, GOOGLE will be firmly AHEAD of APPLE... ...ALPHABETICALLY :)"

"Had bacon this morning, made Monday joke, drinking coffee, will masturbate later. I AM TWITTER!"

"I have been suffering from Priapism for the last 2 days My wife is taking it pretty hard"

"Once I did a presentation on George Washington & was asked when he died, but I never looked it up, so I said ""He's alive in all of us today"""

"Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash."