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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a baby? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window."

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"If I could time travel, I'd make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things."
"Why do feminists hate rubbing the body? Because it's massage-gynistic"
"""Were any famous men born on your birthday?"" ""No only little babies."""
"A man walks into a bar. A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The bartender looks up and shouts at him, ""Hey, where the fuck are you going with my bar stool?!"""
"[solicitor reading my will] ""He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard""."
"I bought my kid some McDonald's today. He really doesn't like stocks though."
"My favorite part of sex is when I'm actually having some."
"Great news insomniacs! Only 12 sleeps til Christmas."
"What's a 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period."