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Joke of the Day

"A week is five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do"

"""People want to feel special.. they'll buy sugary piss in a bottle as long as it has their name on it."" - Executives at Coke"

"I went out the other night and tried a pelican burger for the first time.... It was amazing but the bill was enormous!!"

"I have no sense of decency. That way all my other senses are enhanced..."

"My local bar was having a fund raiser for dyslexia It was all you can drink for ages 12 and up"

"How does a Mexican wrestler enter a room? Through the Lucha-door."

"There's nothing like shaving off your beard to remind everybody why your face needed a beard"

"Remember how much you used to like this song?- Car ads."

"What did one lonely penis say to the other? I just want to belong."

"A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone. ""Morning!"" he said. The other man replies, ""No, just having a shit"