191016

Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"Past, Present and Future walk into a bar It was tense"

"Laughter is the best medicine Dad used to say laughter was the best medicine I guess that's why some of us died of tuberculosis."

"A roman centurion walked into a bar, raised his hand and signed the waiter to get him 2 martini. The waiter gave him 5 instead."

"You're like a semicolon. I'm not sure exactly what to do with you."

"She was a no-nonsense, high powered executive who played hard but never had time for love. He was a dog who thought he was people."

"If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants."

"Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies."

"I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances."

"How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along? Sew sew"