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Joke of the Day

"What do vegetables say when they go to party's? TURNUP!"

"POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: describe the suspect ""He was holding a pencil, wishing he was a real artist"" {pencil stops moving} ""And he was crying"""

"Two Irish homosexuals Michael Fitzpatrick & Patrick Fitzmichael"

"Two grains of sand in the desert.. The first one turns around and says to his friend: ""Dude, I think we are being followed"". I'll see myself out."

"When you're fast enough to be at two spots at the same time. *Fat"

"Mother nature needs to learn how to keep it in her plants Said everyone with allergies"

"Reading the Cheesecake Factory menu. Don't tell me how it ends!"

"My wife keeps on calling me ""gullible"" and ""financially irresponsible"". I just can't wait to see her face when I tell her I won the Nigerian lottery."

"Autocorrect changed ""killing spree"" to ""killing soiree"" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy."

"What do you call an obese terrorist who plays for the Yankees? Derek Bin Jeter"