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Joke of the Day

"*cat lays on my leg* *I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave* *I move half an inch* *cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*"

"Q: Did you hear about the girl who skipped rope while she read? A: She jumped to conclusions."

"Someone stole my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that."

"How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit? Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments."

"My mule is pretty lazy... ... Always doing half-assed work."

"I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words."

"While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !"

"A man walks into the bar But fails since he was too busy drinking through law school"

"Hey baby, are you a cloud server? Because I have something to upload from my hard drive."

"Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside? Because 9/11 was an inside dog."