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Joke of the Day

"Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No but she sure could climb trees well!"

"*scrolling through Liam Neeson action movies* Sigh, why are all the good ones either GREY or TAKEN"

"First the found ice on Mars and then they found water, now they just need to find whiskey to prove that 'Men are from Mars'."

"Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has ""will get in cars with strangers"" in her bio. I'm hiding........"

"I'm not lazy. I'm just stopping the sofa from floating away."

"I lost 50 pounds in two days Im never playing poker again"

"Did you know that men are more successful than women in committing suicides? Ladies, can you gals do anything right?"

"I just pretended to be on my phone in the elevator and then my phone rang. I'm going to close up shop emotionally for the day"

"Make sure you tip your waitress... It's very funny when they fall over."

"God I'm glad chicken breasts don't have nipples."