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Joke of the Day
"What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit? Can't- elope!"
Next Joke
"The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behaviour"
"""I'm the world champion of hearing,"" I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw"
"Why did 2Pac go to the gym? To get a 6Pac! -7th grade me"
"The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side."
"Bono and the Edge walk into a bar... The bartender looks up at them and says ""Oh, not you two again.""."
"Boss: Are you drinking liquor at work? *flashes back to pouring apple juice into a whiskey bottle bc I couldn't find a thermos* ""Yes"""
"A baby crawls into a bar... He asks the bartender for a milk. The bartender says, ""I guess you want that in a bottle?"". The baby replies, ""What do you have on tit?"""
"I was trying to convince my friend to go fishing the other day. It took a while to convince her, but then she finally agreed and had fun fishing. She eventually fell for it hook, line, and sinker."
"Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know life is really, really tough for the visually impaired. :("