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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I just get tired of my new neighbors that I just want to strap a dildo on my head and anally rape them like a unicorn."

"why do people romanticize the 1950s? like calm down, we still have milkshakes and racism"

"Whoever wins the Oscar for Best Sound Mixer is gonna get so much sound mixing pussy it's not even funny."

"Sochi Nobody's going to be Rushin there."

"I have erectile dysfunction, and I'm constipated. My doctor prescribed me Viagra and Ex-lax... Now I don't know if I'm coming or going!"

"""Thanks for sending me that 17 second cellphone video from that concert you went to! The audio and video were amazing!"" - said no one, ever"

"[1st day in hell] Devil: Your damnation will be that you are a shoe model for all eternity. Me: That's it? D: *hands me orange Crocs*"

"Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life."

"My cousin is a terrible proofreader. He always drinks a bottle of Jack Daniels before he checks my work."

"What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church? Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul."