40951

Joke of the Day

"Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life."

"Did you know that the illuminati created golf as a way of harnessing the world's most valuable energy source? Angry old white men."

"You hear of the movie about a girl's struggle during her time of the month? It won the award for the best period drama"

"Shhh don't talk, I'm imagining you smart."

"The holiday season is coming up. Every year I make my parents something. I make them disappointed."

"I was pretty sure you were the wrong kind of crazy. Then you used ""luckfully"" in a tweet and removed all doubt."

"What do Coors Light and sex on the beach have in common? They're both fucking close to water. (credit goes to my dad for this one...)"

"I visited my friend in his flat He told me to make myself at home. So I kicked him out. I hate having visitors"

"I'm not trying to be racist but black people are darker than white people."

"Mark Twain used to travel with a podium from his hometown. Ah yes, his Hannibal Lectern."