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Joke of the Day

"Marriage is full of surprises but it's mostly just asking each other ""do you have to do that right now?"""

"Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer."

"Mexican joke What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos"

"I asked a fetus if it wanted some food, and it replied: 'no thanks... ... I gestate.'"

"What do you get when you cross a cartoon character and a Communist? Mickey Mao."

"Do all Toyota Priuses come with Obama '08 stickers already on them?"

"How many Millennials does it take to change a light bulb? None! We don't change light bulbs. We disrupt them."

"Friends with an ex? I don't even want to be friends with my friends."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? Mick Jagger sings ""eh you, get offa mai cloud"", but the Scottish farmer says ""eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!"

"I can't believe I shaved my toes for this"