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Joke of the Day

"Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture."

"What is the difference between roast beef and pee soup? You can roast beef."

"Women are a lot like heroin. At first you're like, ""Oh geez, this is fun"" then eventually you die."

"Someone told me: You shouldn't fall in love because you might get hurt.... I said yeah: And you shouldn't fuckin live because you might die.."

"My local cafe is getting awfully spiritual these days The new sign says ""Please wait here to be, seated."""

"Did you hear Charlie Sheen has HIV? He thinks he got it after sleeping with two and a half men."

"Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind."

"If a road runs parallel to a river, there's probably a bridge nearby. No reason to cross five lanes of traffic, Frogger, you dumbshit."

"What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? Pokemon"

"Why is 4840 square yards like a bad tooth ? Because it is an acre."