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Joke of the Day

"I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying ""get a load of this guy"" every time someone walked in"

"Why was the bottle laying down? someone flipped it."

"The inventor of the throat lozenge died today... There will be no coffin at the funeral."

"What is a... ...pain in the ass to do with a woman? Anything What is a pain in the ass to do without a woman? Sex"

"A lawyer takes the bar"

"One thing my dogs and I have in common is that we never want me to go to work."

"How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress? They have a lot of patients"

"Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat."

"I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise his spirits... No pun intendid."

"I don't trust a restaurant that advertises ""Now with more bacon!"" because it means they were holding out on me to begin with."