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Joke of the Day

"How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus? Because it's always ten-to-cool time..."

"*knocks over the 17 Starbucks cups on her nightstand *answers her alarm clock, ""hello?"""

"Where does lonely soup go? To a brothel."

"Mountains are funny. They're hill areas."

"I just read someone's TL who starred me, forgot who I was reading, starred & RT'd a gazillion RT's on their TL, ended up in Mexico married."

"I'm going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it."

"How does every racist joke start? /OP looks around/"

"Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas"

"What do you call a spider that likes 80s music? A Durantula."

"That moment when you're going to stalk someone and you end up stalking 5 more people because you need to understand the whole conversation."