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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a joke? My mute friend told me this one."

"What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon? Tennish"

"I'm off to a 3yr olds party. There'll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun."

"I took my child to work almost ten months ago, people. Is there seriously not a Take Your Child Back Home Day?"

"I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night."

"If college football created a bowl game called the ""Hyperbole,"" which two teams would be selected to play in it? The two greatest teams in the history of the known universe."

"In choosing clinical logic and detached isolation over laughter and passion, you went full-Vulcan. Everyone knows you never go full-Vulcan."

"TIFU: I ate my boss' sandwich out of the work fridge! Oops. Wrong sub."

"Why did Sandra fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sandra."

"George W Bush looked exactly like a chimpanzee, and Michelle Obama has the face of a gorilla... The White House should be the name of the monkey exhibit at the Washington DC Zoo!"