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Joke of the Day

"Boyfriend's on the phone talking to a guy about lattes and his love of peach scones. I'm on the couch wondering when our periods synced."

"What do you say when someone makes a racially insensitive comment? That's insensitive, you retard."

"Did you know Danny Welbeck's dad was a bomb disposal expert. His name was Stan Welbeck."

"Two jews walk into A bar... Ahbar then gets insulted that the jews even looked at him and demands that his country declares war on Israel for these unspeakable crimes."

"Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?"

"What did one atom say to the other? ""I lost an electron..."" The other atom asks ""Are you sure?"" First atom replies, ""I'm positive!"""

"How does Disney decide who needs pants and who doesn't?"

"What did the pianist do when someone smashed his piano? He played many more pieces."

"What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone!"

"Fat girl on a table I went to bar , and there was a fat girl dancing on the tables "" nice legs"" I said "" you think so?"" She replied "" Sure,most tables would have collapsed by now!"""