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Joke of the Day

"Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."

"Capitalisation It is the difference between ""I helped my uncle Jack off a horse,"" and ""I helped my uncle jack off a horse."""

"Me: ""Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!"" *mugger approaches* Me: ""Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."""

"*Dive rolls across the room naked Her- Why don't you just buy curtains?"

"Dear Canadians, Who's the cutest little nation? You are! Yes you are! *pinches cheeks*"

"[on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* ""May I help you, sir?"" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme..."

"What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black? A glimmer of hope"

"Q: Is Google a he or a she? A: A she, no doubt, because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas."

"If anyone says YOLO to me I say YOLBYPCFAC (You Only Live Because Your Parents Couldn't Find A Condom). I hope it catches on..."

"I Am a spy who has worked for the Mossad the last 23 years. Ask Me Nothing."