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Joke of the Day

"There's a skinny girl inside me who is just DYING to get out. She stole the last cupcake & then bragged about her metabolism, so I ate her."

"A man is applying for Australian citizenship when the clerk asks ""Do you have a criminal record?"" ""No"" the man says. ""Is that still required?"""

"Why couldn't the birthday clown make balloon animals for the children? With the rising cost of inflation he couldn't afford it anymore."

"A cat falls into water, which makes the rooster laugh Moral of the story: a wet pussy makes a happy cock"

"My wife: ever since you got on twitter you never listen or talk to me any more. Me: yeah spaghetti for sure!"

"Just finished a puzzle in only two weeks! I'm pretty proud of myself, because the box said 3-5 years."

"A son walks up to his dad and tells him: ""Dad, did you know in other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?"" His dad replies: ""It's like that everywhere son."""

"What do you call one black on the moon? Problem. What do you call ten blacks on the moon? Problems. What do you call the entire black population on the moon? Problem solved."

"The year is 2075. A student asks how World War 3 began. The teacher responds with ""Well, James Franco and Seth Rogen made a movie..."""

"I wish there was a way to musically tell someone to pour sugar on you but there isn't"