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Joke of the Day

"A woman's heart is as tender, vulnerable and fragile as a man's balls. Don't break hers and she won't break yours."

"Saw a kid crying in the grocery store. I opened a bottle of A1 and chugged it right in front of him. He stopped crying and started nodding."

"Just found out I've been eating women's energy bars for the past few months. No side effects except making 30% less money than I used to"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea? I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face."

"Cat: I think i have a rash. Doctor Dog: WE SHOULD AMPUTATE YOUR HEAD"

"Why so Mexicans have red eyes after Sex?! Pepperspray..."

"I'm in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae."

"Why are knives always the funniest students at utensil school? Because they're the class cut-ups."

"What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?......... Both stream instantly."

"Burglar gently waking me... ""you live like this?"""