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Joke of the Day

"""Lifehack"" is now just synonymous with ""action."" ""A great lifehack for becoming a doctor is going to medical school!"""

"You know you're fat when when... Your penis is an *innie*."

"what did the tricep say to the muscular receptionist bye, 'cep!"

"wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]"

"The French name for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter translates literally to False Butter Has Entered Our Home"

"[magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half"

"What do you call a vegetable/fruit that dies for it's religion? A Tomartyr"

"If there isn't a Chinese millionaire called 'Cha Ching' I will be so disappointed."

"It's weird that my neighbors won't let me borrow their keys & make a copy of them in case I need to clean their house while they're asleep."

"How many married women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Yeah right, like married women ever screw anything other than poolboys....."