188653

Joke of the Day

"The ladies call me ""subway"".. ..because I lie about being 12 inches and my meat smells like a yoga mat."

"Two drums and a symbol fall off a cliff. Bud dum tsss"

"Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed."

"I remember your face, and I even remember what we talked about, but what the hell was your name again?!"

"The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you're not a psychopath."

"TERMINOTOR: come with me if u want to live ME: ok cool *just sits there* TERMINOTOR: COME WITH ME IF-- ME: ya i got it. im good right here"

"I like how Twizzlers has the balls to put a flavor description on the package. ""Strawberry""? Suck my ass. More like ""Tire""."

"So I made a Guardians of the Galaxy themed soft drink. I call it Groot beer."

"If you've never had diarrhea from drinking Jack Daniels... then you don't know Jack shits."

"You know why the Baptists don't make love standing up? They don't want people to think they're dancing. Not my joke cheech marins I'm high as Fuck and thought you guys might like it too."