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Joke of the Day

"I set my alarm clock to play Alice in Chains I call it my morning ""Would?"""

"I've decided to start carrying a knife. After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful."

"I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life."

"Did you dream of me, baby? -Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk? No, silly. -Then no."

"I'll accept the consequences but in my defense, it was a double dare.. Judge: well in that case, I triple dog dare you 60 days in jail."

"If life gives you melons... you're probably dyslexic."

"A joke that is mildly racist How.come there were only 1800 Mexicans at the Alamo? Because they only had two pickup trucks"

"What did Bob Ross do after eating a fair of fickled feffers? He fainted."

"The legal system is like bleach, Works perfectly for whites, but not with colors."

"If we were compressed down to a single dimension ... what would be the point of it all?"