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Joke of the Day

"Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms? Because little boys can't get pregnant."

"When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers."

"What do soy products and a vibrator have in common? The both substitute meat"

"What do you call Call Of Duty in the middle east ? Tuesday"

"I'm going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!"

"Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?"

"What do you call a person with no arms and no legs? Fucked."

"My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn't pull her weight financially and she's scared of the vacuum."

"I truly believe that there are some people who listen to you when you talk and there's other people who just wait for it to be their turn."

"Big things DO NOT always come in small packages! I wish someone had told me the truth before I pounced on this adorable midget. Poor fella."