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Joke of the Day

"The only ones awake 3am are the lonely & the loved. And also the sick who have to take antibiotics & pain killers."

"Screenwriters, you know that script you're working on that's a mix between 2 brilliant films? Well it isn't and I'd like a grande soy latte."

"My graduation Speech ""I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you."""

"Why are elements attracted to the Noble Gasses? Because they're *Noble!*"

"What is Kylo Ren's favorite beverage? Supreme Liter Coke"

"I hope it's not too weird the next time I get a haircut and the barber asks, ""So, how do you want it?"" and I reply, ""Like Ellen DeGeneres."""

"Burger King needs a new slogan. Something like ""we clean our bathrooms now."""

"My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too."

"Who cooks in a lesbian relationship? None they both eat out."

"How bad is it to poop your pants? It Depends"