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Joke of the Day

"I saw the middle eastern version of ""Horton Hears a Who"" the other day It was called ""Achmed Hears a Boom"""

"I thought the girl at my bus stop thought I was sweet but apparently that's not what she meant by ""un-savory"""

"Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist? Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there..."

"Lesbian vampires What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month."

"I have a solution to procrastination I will tell you tomorrow"

"What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night? Lie in bed wondering ""Is there really a dog?"""

"What kind of doctors do elephants become? Pachydermatologists"

"Interviewer: congrats you got the security guard job Me: *already asleep on a folding chair* Interviewer: hang on u don't start til monday"

"I think about wizards and dragons way more than a wizard of 3 small dragons should. Dammit I meant mother of 3 small dragons. Dammit I meant"

"Math is like my parenting. I do it when I have to, but I'm not great at it."