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Joke of the Day

"Just learned that if lightning strikes within 50 feet of you, you can speak every language simultaneously and pee out of your eyes."

"Did you hear about the bassist? Did you hear about the bassist that was SO out of tune people noticed?"

"Sunday is the only day of the week I can say, ""I'll do it in a minute,"" never do it, and not feel guilty."

"I just want to be wealthy enough to fill a swimming pool with puppies. A lot of puppies are going to die but I think it will be worth it"

"Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?"

"[pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues"

"Easy way to earn karma points on /r/jokes? Options are: 1) Crack a witty comment 2) Link to /r/dadjokes 3) Submit a damn joke and the answer is.....drumroll...... just reply with a ""whoosh"", simple!"

"I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid"

"Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love"

"A koala is sitting in a bar.. I chopped him up and put him in there. I couldn't make him fit as a whole."