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Joke of the Day

"Why are beans named after Jews in Spanish. Because they are healthy and good for you."

"My friends and family treat if as if I'm a god! They don't believe in me"

"How many babies does it take to open a door? It depends on how hard you can throw."

"You know what they said about the year old sheep that kept getting into trouble... ...he was a mutton for punishment."

"PEOPLE OF THE PLANE LISTEN TO ME WHEN THE SEATBELT LIGHT GOES OFF STAND UP IMMEDIATELY OR YOUR SPOT IN THE NON-MOVING LINE WON'T BE ASSURED"

"What's black and blue and hates sex? The boy scout in my trunk."

"I've always wanted to improve my knowledge of Greek Mythology.... It's been my achilles elbow for quite some time."

"I once met a detective who would copy drawings of penises in his spare time. I think his name was Dick Tracey"

"Your wife and your lawyer are drowning, you have a decision to make.... Fish or chicken for dinner?"

"Why didn't Jesus eat bacon? It wasn't because he was Jewish, it's because he didn't exsist."