187262

Joke of the Day

"A guy calls 911 ""Send an ambulance! My wife's having a baby!"" ""Just calm down down"", says the operator, ""Is this her first baby?"" ""No it's her husband you idiot!"""

"Dad always said ""Time to hit the sack!"" before bed. Not sure how getting punched in the testicles helped him sleep, but that was just dad."

"When I was younger, I was told that anyone could become President. Seeing Trump's campaign, now I believe it."

"Did you hear about the discounts at Darth Maul? I heard they're going to cut the sales by half"

"Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? Because he thought it was a delivery service."

"The Jewish Year is 5776. As of yesterday, the Chinese year is 4714... That means Jews had to exist for 1,062 years without Chinese Food. They call this time, ""The Dark Age."""

"[on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* ""May I help you, sir?"" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme..."

"Indians will wait 25 years to have sex but not 25 seconds for the traffic signal to turn green."

"What's the best thing about fucking a pregnant woman? Getting a blowjob at the same time."

"Did you know it's impossible to piss your pants on purpose? It's a weird biological thing"