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Joke of the Day

"Automatic flusher Automatic soap dispenser Automatic sink Automatic paper towel dispenser N O W T O U C H T H E D O O R H A N D L E"

"What do you call two obese lesbians who are about to turn in for the night? Bedward ScissorHams"

"I prayed for snow on my wedding... No snow, but I did get 6 inches on my honeymoon."

"How do you start a rave in Ethopia??? You staple food on the ceilings."

"How can you tell if a farmer is a good farmer? He's out standing in his field"

"A car gets better traction in the snow if you throw a couple of coworkers in the trunk."

"As a child, 'The Jetsons' gave me unrealistic expectations for the future: like having a wife who loves me & owning a dog."

"[doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. ""Nooo!"" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn."

"[at bar] ""Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year."" Whoa that's impressive! ""I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."""

"Crazy ex's are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog"