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Joke of the Day

"Women's magazines: Page 5: accept yourself for who you are Page 8: how to lose 10lbs in 1 week Page 12: best cake recipe"

"What do you call a deer that has really good eyesight? Good idea. Hint: Good eye-deeeeah"

"I killed my twin because she wouldn't admit that she was the evil one."

"Gene Simmons is giving tongue to a Hamas tunnel. His tongue is so long it comes out at the other end of the tunnel."

"How embarrassing! I tripped and fell out of my clothes."

"Ive been told I'm not ambitious enough.... I've been told I'm not ambitious enough. If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"She was only a whiskey maker... ...but he loved her still."

"The thing I like best about smartphones is how they're a prison you keep in your pocket"

"Just found out Fox News's website has a Science section, which I assume links to a video of Sean Hannity screaming at a biology textbook."

"So a police officer is called out to the scene where a Mercedes is wrapped around a tree, He said ""Well, I guess that's the way the Mercedes Benz"""