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Joke of the Day

"No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration."

"What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman You can unscrew a lightbulb"

""" Wake up, little Suuuzzie, wake up "" - The Everly Brothers accidentally kill another hooker"

"After a night out with friends a man comes stumbling home late He's greeted by his wife looking stern with her arms crossed. She exclaims ""Drunk again!"" He replies ""Me too!"""

"The other day I was laying down a carpet... ...and my friend Speedy Gonzales was helping me. At one point I said, ""Have I missed anything, Speedy?"" And Speedy says, ""Underlay, underlay!"""

"Black people are human beings."

"Cop: Where were you at the time of the murder? Me: I'd trapped myself in a Tupperware container Cop: Damn, that's an air tight alibi"

"Customer: Waiter this soup tastes funny. Waiter: So laugh sir."

"What's the Russian President's favorite song? ""Putin on the Ritz!"" I'll be here all week guys."

"All I want to know is why Antonio Banderas' hair has been wet for 20 years."