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Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to fuck a red-headed virgin? gingerly (wrote this today, if anyone has ever heard it or can find a past use, I am dying to know)"

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"Girl, if you got any hotter you'd be so earth-shatteringly hot the ground would split & we'd burn to death in molten lava. That would suck."
"How do you wake a sleeping Lady Gaga? You poke poke poker face"
"Mother: ""Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."" Girl: ""I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."""
"If you have a dollar.. you're a billionthaire."
"My twin brother is a retarded thief. He stole my chromosome."
"How long do I have to sleep before I'm legally a bear?"
"[Dollar Store Interview] ""What are your qualifications?"" [Slides over a dollar] ""Cashier job is yours"" [Slides $2] ""Welcome to Management"""
"My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex Just this morning she asked me ""Is that the best you can do?"""
"I took your girlfriend out for some Chipotle last week...... guacamole wasn't the only thing she wanted extra on the side."