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Joke of the Day

"So I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer.... I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day."

"Damn girl, your ass is like an avacado It's that good kinda fat"

"What is Green and Oblong? A well disguised orange!"

"I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window."

"A Martini is like a woman's breast... One is not enough, and three is too many."

"Being an adult is basically that feeling when the fireworks are over and it's time to go home, but all the time."

"[wife gets home & sees shit on the rug] What's this? ""It was Rover he w.."" *dog makes throat slice gesture* ""It was me. I shit on the rug"""

"A 9 year old patient in the hospital i work at had to have his leg amputated. He asked the doctor ""will my leg ever grow back?"" The Doctor replied ""sorry Johnny, you only limb once"""

"My friends hate my cheese jokes. They said that they're no Gouda"

"Somewhere there's a cat named Pablo Picatso, and that's what keeps me going you guys."